2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
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fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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