dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
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Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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