so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
