Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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