It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
