You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
