I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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