Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
