Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
