My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
