hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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