for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
