It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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