even my farts smell like vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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