Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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