I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
