So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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