So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
