she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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