Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
