i dont even know how to be here
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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