Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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