So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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