Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
