my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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