He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
