The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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