last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
