my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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