last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
