I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
