Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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