So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
