He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
