You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i already hear my dad disowning me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
