when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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