Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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