OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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