I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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