I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
