I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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