hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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