and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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