she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
