you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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