I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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