i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
