All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
