Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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