Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?