I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.