Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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