Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
