You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
