I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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