i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I smell like Dick and happiness
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
