morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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