Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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