Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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