hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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