there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
