remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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