I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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