Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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